This was it. They unplugged my baby from all of the wires he had been connected to for months and put him in my arms. A part of me wanted to just clutch him tightly and run right out of there. I wished that I could just take him home, but we weren’t there yet. He needed open heart surgery.
Our NICU stay felt like a never-ending, roller coaster ride. It was the kind of ride that takes you high up into the sky one minute but then drops you hundreds of feet from a sharp angle the next.
I always thought I would breastfeed my baby, that’s what good moms do! The thought never crossed my mind that I would have to pump to get breast milk for him, far less give him formula.
By law of nature, my husband is away on a business trip and my son has come down with the flu. These things always happen at the most inconvenient times. Now I have no one to wake up in the middle of the night with my neurotic behavior.
The other day I experienced the phenomenon known as a “blow out” for the first time. While it sounds like something you might ask for at a hair salon, I assure you this was much less pleasant.
It is a heart wrenching thing to leave the hospital without your baby. After a 9 day stay in the hospital, it was time to go home. But my baby was staying behind. At just 2.5lbs and attached to a multitude of wires and cables, he would remain in the NICU for a long time to come.
Not many parents take their kid to the doctor as much as I do. In addition to the regular pediatrician well visits, we see a cardiologist, gastroenterologist and pulmonologist almost every month. That means an appointment almost every week.
Yesterday I finally caved and bought myself a new pair of jeans. Over a year after giving birth to my son I decided that I was done waiting to finally fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again.
I had a pregnancy that one could only describe as a nightmare. When I think back on it now,i’m not sure how I got through it. It must have been God, as only a higher power could help someone through such trauma. I must admit, i’m terrified of ever getting pregnant again even though I love my little nugget more than anything in the world.
