A New Me
Yesterday I finally caved and bought myself a new pair of jeans. Over a year after giving birth to my son I decided that I was done waiting to finally fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. Don't get me wrong, I haven't given up on losing the pregnancy weight, in fact I've lost all but 5 lbs. But I've finally come to terms with the fact that my body will not be the same again. My hips will always be just a little bit wider and size zero will probably not ever be me again. It felt great to let go and embrace the new me instead of hanging on to 10 pairs of pants that don't fit right anymore and make me feel like a whale.
In fact my body is not the only thing that is different. Becoming a mom has changed me in ways that I never imagined before my bundle of cuteness came along.
I’m kinder. I have never been a mean person, actually I have always been quite the softie. Years of teaching and working with kids with special needs kept my heart warm and toasty. But after an extremely difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult journey the first few months after my son was born, I am empathetic on a completely different level. Watching the news has never been so painful. Stories about children getting hurt in any capacity tug at my heart strings more than ever before. I can hardly watch the news without my stomach turning and eyes tearing just a bit. I can't imagine precious babies like my own getting abused, molested or falling victim to senseless war violence. It sickens me greatly. Also in some of my most difficult moments support came from some of the most unsuspecting people. People I have not seen or heard from in years reached out in ways that really touched my heart and I know that I must pay it forward.
My brain is "different." I have a difficult time admitting this one, but I have to be honest. I don't seem to be able to think as clearly as I did before. Of course I still consider myself an intelligent woman. But the wheeling, dealing, organizing business woman that I was before my pregnancy is definitely sitting on the back burner. Maybe it's because I haven't slept properly in over a year or that my entire day is dedicated to loving and protecting a precious little life. But my memory has definitely diminished, I struggle to remember names, places and details that would have been a breeze for me before. Even writing this blog is a little difficult as I have trouble stringing my thoughts together sometimes... especially as I am distracted several times in the process!
I'm always late. I have always been excellent at managing time! As a teacher I mastered this skill as I planned lessons designed to cram everything that needed to be done into a 45 minute time slot! This spilled over into my personal life and I was very proud of my ability to be punctual. However, no matter how much I plan nowadays it doesn't matter. I am not the one driving the bus. It’s not easy trying to reason with a 1 year old. The more I plan, the more things seem to go awry. So i’m learning to let go of structure a bit and go with the flow. My son takes a nap every day at 11. But the day I plan to do something at 11 will be the day he decides not to take a nap and the little guy does not negotiate! So I guess it's ok if I'm fashionably late, I have a very adorable excuse!
So, I'm not quite who I used to be, but I'm starting to be alright with that! I guess the new me is pretty ok too!
© Nicola Rios Nogales and ispeakmom.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Nicola Rios Nogales and ispeakmom.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.